Independence Day

So today is the 4th of July, Independence Day, a time for celebration, family bbq's, fireworks and all around merriment.  In the midst of all the celebration we sometimes forget what this holiday is all about.  We celebrate the 4th of July because 235 years ago, America became America when we won our independence from British rule.  Today, while we aren't fighting for independence, we are, however,still in the middle of three wars. That means that thousands of miles away we have our American men and women no where near their families so they can defend our country and for that I salute them, thank you for all you do!
This Independence Day has been a quiet one for our daughter and I.  We did some laundry, watched a bunch of movies and had some chicken cacciatore for dinner then watched the fire works show on base from my master bedroom balcony.  All that was missing was Aaron and it broke my heart when our daughter mentioned that, saying how much she wished her Dad was here with us.  I couldn't help but think of all the holidays and special occasions that we wouldn't be spending together because of his deployment.  Our daughter is aware of this but it hasn't settled in and I imagine that it won't until he actually leaves.  I'm just praying everything goes by quickly and we reunite with Aaron, who comes back to us safe and sound.

It's going to be okay...

So it's been a few days since my Love left for training and I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would.  I'm pretty surprised by it but I'm glad that it's turning out this way.  As for when the actual deployment happens, that's another story, until that day comes I won't be sure how I'll take it.  Our daughter and I are basically entertaining each other in any way we can; watching movies, reading, going online, etc, but it's obviously not as fun and wonderful as when my husband is at home with us.  I'm so used to him lounging on the couch while we watch movies or tv, or even when I'm cooking (especially on the weekends), or taking little cat naps in our room and even waiting for him to come home from the gym.  Actually that's what our daughter and I feel, that we're perpetually waiting for Aaron to come home from the gym.  We can't help feeling that way though; that's usually his stop before coming home after work and often on the weekends if we don't have any major plans.  I think it's a bit easier to think of it that way.  The nights are much harder though, I'm so used to cuddling with him and listening to him sleep so I can fall asleep.  Lately, I've been staying up until around 2am either talking to my sister or parents on the phone just to get sleepy, then waking up around 9 or 10am in the morning.  I guess it's kind of better that way since by the time we get up and eat breakfast, etc, half the day is done with.  It makes this time away from each other more manageable and go by a bit faster.  Obviously, when Fall starts things will get a lot more hectic around here so hopefully the days will pass by twice as fast for our daughter and I.  The definite highlight of our day is when Aaron calls us on the phone, I like hearing how his day goes, no matter how mundane it may be.  Anything that he tells me I absolutely cherish.  I just can't wait for all of this to be over and I can have my wonderful husband back, safe and sound.

Training

As you can tell by the title I am a proud USAF wife.  I'm proud that my husband selflessly volunteered to protect his country and I'm proud to stand by his side and support him in all his endeavors. That being said, we are in the midst of his first deployment, he hasn't left yet and won't leave for a little while but it doesn't ease my anxiety about the whole situation.  Right now he is in the States doing some training while our daughter and I are here at his duty station in Europe. He left late this week and it's been absolute agony, I miss him so much and I'm having such a difficult time coping with this training and eventual deployment.  My husband and I are by no means newlyweds but our relationship still feels fresh and exciting.  We enjoy each others company fully and immerse every available chance we have  exploring Europe with our six year old daughter.

Routines...

Every day starts the same, with me waking up and getting breakfast ready while Aaron takes a shower and gets dressed.  Most days I pack him a lunch but sometimes he goes ahead and buys one.  When he leaves for work I get our daughter up and ready for school, walk her to the bus stop, then walk myself home.  From there, I either do some chores, go online or do homework.  Then I pick our daughter up from the bus stop, start dinner and wait for Aaron to come home.  At dinner time we all sit around the table, talk about our day then after dinner we all watch a movie or tv.  Everyday is more or less the same and that routine and normalcy, or lack of, is driving me crazy... and to think the deployment hasn't even started yet!  The days leading up to Aaron leaving for training were agonizing, I cherish everyday that we're together but more so when I knew that there was an actual time frame leading up to his departure.  When our daughter and I returned home from seeing Aaron off I immediately cried my eyes out, at the same time feeling utterly selfish that my lovely husband was the one actually getting out of his comfort zone and supporting the mission while I was at home, not training or learning anything new that could potentially save my life or other peoples lives.  I can't help it though, I miss him so much and I'm hoping that the days go bye quickly and our daughter and I can be reunited with him.  I visited one of the military spouse sites that I frequent, www.milspouse.com, to get some info on how wives cope with deployments to make them a little bit easier and got some great pointers.  Mainly, a lot of women said to get a list together of some goals you want to accomplish while your husband is gone and above all to keep busy.  I've put together my list which seems daunting to say the least but I don't know where exactly I'll be pulling out the motivation to actually accomplish them.  I'm just praying that God can give me the strength for all this and not to feel so depressed.  Sadness and loneliness is one thing but depression is a whole different story and I'd rather not partake.  I know when school restarts for our daughter and I, things will be a lot more busy but until then I absolutely need to find the strength to tackle some of that to do list, first and foremost the reorganization of my house (did I mention my wonderful husband has a great knack for surprising me with awesome presents and never saying no to anything that I want, which has led up to me needing more space for said presents and things) then the subsequent redecoration of the house. Well, this first post has helped a lot, hopefully writing all my thoughts down can help me feel better about the whole situation.