And it begins...

So it's been a few weeks since I've written anything in this blog and that's because of a few good reasons.  First of all I wanted to spend as much time with Aaron and our daughter as I could before he had to leave for the long haul and secondly, after he left I just wanted things to sink in before I attempted to put anything down in words.  It's been a while since he's left and I'm doing pretty well, I literally only cried once, the day he left, for about five minutes.  Before that, though, when Aaron was still here, it was pretty difficult for me to keep the tears back.  I've heard from other people in this same position that the anticipation to the big day of seeing your spouse off is far worse than actually seeing them go.  That's exactly how I felt, that isn't to say though that him not being here doesn't hurt because it does, a lot.  I feel so bad for our daughter especially because all she can talk about is how much she misses her Dad, how it is when Dad's here, what we're going to be doing when Dad comes back.  She hasn't cried about it but I could still see the sadness in her eyes which is very difficult because she's not that type of person.  She's extremely happy all the time, especially when she's with her Dad because she's Daddy's little girl in all senses of the word.
It's helping, though, that we've got a lot of things going on with school starting for her next week and school starting for me this past Monday.  It's only been three days of school and I'm already stressed, hahaha, but I'm so blessed to have that so that the time passes by faster with it.  We're still trying to re-establish routines and I suspect it'll be easier once she goes back to school next week so that'll be helpful.  I'll try to post as much as I can, at least 3-4 times a week which would be good for me to vent, etc.  Anyhow, until next time...

Busy is good...

The past few days have been a bit hectic and busy which is a welcome distraction since it feels like the days go by faster.  When things die down, that's when the sadness slowly creeps in, that's the time I remember that at the end of my day Aaron's day is just beginning... a world away.  I miss the hugs, cuddles and kisses, all I can do is count the days down and look forward to our reunion.  Making the best of the little time we have together before he has to leave again.  I can't help but wonder how it is for those wives or husbands whose spouses are being deployed frequently... does it get easier each time their spouse leaves or does it hurt just as much as the first time?  I hope that this is something that we don't have to re-experience for a long time, again with the selfishness but I can't help it.  I just need to focus on the stuff I need to take care of now, while he's back, when he leaves again and when we are finally reunited.  Looking forward to our Spring time trip then back to the States to visit our families helps tremendously.  I miss him so much and love him with all my heart...  I can't wait to see you again Babes!!!

not so much...

So I thought today was a good day, it turns out it's not.  I feel so overwhelmed about everything but this looming separation takes the cake.  I just don't know how I can handle this.  It's absolutely hurting me that I can't see Aaron or talk to him in person, that I don't have that support is eating at me.  For example, we've got some upcoming car repairs that need to be taken care of, that's his area of expertise and aside from oil changes, he's the one who takes care of that.  I hate that he can't be here for the minor body work to be done to our car (which is only 2 yrs old), it may seem petty but I just don't want to handle all that.  It's not really the car repairs or anything in particular, I guess I'm just nervous for something to happen that I will need and not have his support since he won't physically be here.  Maybe if he was here I would feel differently because if things go wrong I know I can count on him to try to find a solution but that's not the case.  I'm almost driven to tears by this thought, I don't know why but I am.  My daughter just asked my what I was writing and said that it must be important since I'm typing a lot and quickly.  I don't want to have to be like this, I feel selfish for feeling this way, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...  I just want him back, I can't believe that this is only training then on to the real thing which will be infinitely longer, at least it will feel infinitely longer.  I hate this feeling, I just want my wonderful husband back...  our daughter misses her Daddy so much...  please hurry up and let this all be over quickly!!!  I feel like crying...

hanging in...

It's getting a little easier day by day but the missing and longing is very much alive.  I've spent the past few days cleaning the house and getting errands done (still in the process of finishing up said errands) so there are definitely distractions present which is helpful and also makes the time go by faster than if I were idle.  I love hearing from Aaron and try to be available for calls as much as I can which is a bit hard considering the time difference, but never the less I try to be free for those times.  He told me he had a cold over there which is probably due to the differing climates and such which made me get a bit sad.  I usually make him several cups of ginger tea and give him treats to eat when he's sick so I wish I could do that for him, but alas, I can't.  Just counting the days until I can have my wonderful husband back.